And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
