i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You ate ashes out of my bong
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
