look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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