Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
