It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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