Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
