I accidentally burped into my bong.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Randomize
