Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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