Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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