this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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