Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
