and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
