I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
