With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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