I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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