this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
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