matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I think I have vodka in my lungs
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
