i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
