I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
We have started to decorate penises.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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