Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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