I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
