she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
