i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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