I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
