hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
