my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
