girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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