I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
