So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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