even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
