Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
