yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
