Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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