we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize