I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Found the puke drawer
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize