I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
is that a dick in a sweater?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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