Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize