we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
