Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
one might say we're banned from that church
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
