i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize