they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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