I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
This house was built for laser tag.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
