And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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