why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
