Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
