You made me cry and you don't even care
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
