She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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