Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
