i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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