I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
