Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
