yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
