Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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