I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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