Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize