He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
