There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
my being single is dangerous.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
