The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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