She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
