Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
