Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
