You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
