just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize