i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Randomize
