you traded sex for a burrito?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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