If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
