Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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