smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
