if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
