I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
