The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
