I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
