I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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