I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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