What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
