I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
found the other keg... it's in the tree
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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