Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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