I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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