i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
