I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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